The Phrases shared by My Parent Which Rescued Me when I became a New Dad

"I believe I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the reality quickly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her chief support while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple statement "You're not in a good place. You must get support. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable addressing the strain on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a broader failure to open up among men, who often internalise harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a sign of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a respite - going on a couple of days overseas, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, altered how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."